Wednesday, February 23, 2011

As I sit here, it's hard to know what to write. A lot of the time things are the same. Benjamin seems to be doing ok today. His arterial line was bleeding quite a bit this morning so they had to put another bandage around it quite tightly so his fingers are a bit purple. His O2 challenge was a bit better than yesterday (87) but not as good as it was 2 days ago (157). This is probably attributed to the new circuit on the ECMO as well as the "kidney" on the ECMO. He seems to be very peaceful today even when he is awake. He doesn't wake up much anymore because of all the sedation. But when he was awake this morning he was very peaceful.

I have a hard time remembering the "other Benjamin" now that we've been sitting here with this "sick Benjamin" for so long. I try to remember the mischieviousness, the giggles for no reason, the anh, anh, anh telling us he wants to go downstairs to play or sit on our laps. One thing I do remember is that we were sitting at the dinnertable when all of a sudden Benjamin started giggling so hard at Kyle. We didn't know why but in no time we were all laughing just because Benjamin was giggling so hard. Another thing I remember is when I had to quickly pick up something from the store, as soon as Benjamin heard the door beep, he would scoot over as quickly as he could and say "bye, bye, bye, bye." I regret that I didn't take the time to always take him along. So if you have children, and you feel you don't have the time to play with them, take them along to the store with you, etc. take the time!!! You never know when you're going to be sitting by his/her hospital bed watching your child fight for his/her life.

It is a beautiful sunny day out here! I love sitting in Benjamin's room watching the sun shine in. I think of the song, "Oh Let the Sun Shine In".

10 comments:

Kathy VanMuyen said...

We don't have the sun shining here, so I am glad it is shining out there for you to enjoy!!
Heres a Benjamin moment. When we went to visit him in Abbotsford, he was laying in his bed squirming a little, scrunching his eyebrows looking a little frustrated, but in the next second he turns to look at us and he says "hi". So random...He did this several times. It was so funny!
We continue to think of you guys,
and pray for you and Benjamin.
"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."Phil.4:19
Love and {hugs}!

Tim and Alice said...

I'm picking up the picture today of B with his mischievous smile, so you can hang that by his bed...brings smiles to my face everytime I see that.
God has blessed Benjamin with you both as parents. Sitting with him for 2 weeks now shows only a glimpse of the love and care you have for him. Looking back at the blog shows how many special times you've had with all 3 boys and I've never seen you NOT take every moment with them and treasure it. The little stories shared on your blog today bring both smiles and tears to me, and I'm sure to you too.
Remembering the time that we were at the bowling alley, and everytime we turned around, B was 5 lanes down, skootching on his bum, giggling to himself and looking behind to see if anyone was chasing after him.
Praying for you, as always.
Love, Us

Anonymous said...

Nice to have those precious memories and even this blog about your children .Yes children are precious and we should take time as much as we can .We only have them for a little while and than they have children or are grown up to be adults .And as they learn from their parents may we be good examples in their lives. Also when we bring them up in the Lord that they may see in our lives that we serve an awesome God.Yes this God is your help in this difficult time .Also He is the one who can give healing to Benjamin .This is our prayer daily.May you also find strength in HIS power and love for your family .BIG HUGS love Dad and Eleanore.

Anonymous said...

Please don't waste your energy on remembering times you were busy! Benjamin and your other children don't! They only know your love, please trust in this! As parents we'll always be able to come up with things we wish we would have done better. That's life! Just love them, and love each other, and glory in each precious moment we can be together. Our most heartfelt prayers go up on your behalf. You are being the most wonderful, caring parents, and being so strong and amazing. I participate in reading your blog each day, and completing that ritual with an encouraging cheer,"Go Benjamin! Go!" on his behalf, hoping that it helps him fight on. God bless you all.

Anonymous said...

Don't look at the missed opportunities, Greta. We all do what we can. Sometimes it's not enough, but we make up for it other times...just keep lovin' your chicklets as best you can!! M Pronk

Evelyn van Egdom said...

Ok Greta, I'm going to get all big sister bossy on you :) You can't beat yourself up about the times you didn't take him with you, etc. A. he probably wouldn't have enjoyed it and B. to be a good mom you need time to yourself to recharge. You are an AWESOME mom, don't ever doubt that! Ok, I think that's enough bossyness for today :)

Praying for you - for patience, strength and healing for Benjamin.

Love you guys,

Ev

Anonymous said...

Nahum 1:7 (New King James Version)
7 The LORD is good,
A stronghold in the day of trouble;
And He knows those who trust in Him.

Anonymous said...

Bless your heart Greta and Gary as you hold on to those times of laughter with Benjamin. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Aunt Martha

Anonymous said...

You are amazing parents, don't ever doubt that! As you sit by his bed, don't think about all the things you could have done different, think about all fun things you have done together! That's all Benjamin is thinking about!!!
Sending prayers and hugs your way!

Love,
Cat

LeanneO said...

Oh Greta, I can join you in the did I do enough, enjoy enough questions but I do agree with your wise sister Ev! 1) they do not even always enjoy it when we have to take them along... even though they really think they want to come out the door with us 2) sometimes for our sanity, we need to just get away long enough so that we don't feel the overwhelmingness of caring for little ones, we only feel that huge wave of I'm-so-glad-i'm-their-mom when we come back through the door.
I second the thoughts of everyone who called you a great mom. I've told you before, I'll tell you again, you (and Gary) have amazed me over and over again as Benjamin's biggest supporters, fighting to get whatever you thought would help him grow to be the best Benjamin God would have him to be.
We continue to pray for you all. May you feel God's nearness in a very real and comforting way.
Big hugs and a whole lot of love.