Thursday, March 31, 2011

Well… what to write. I thought I’d share with you my emotional state lately. I’m having a hard time getting excited these days as last week I was hum, dee, da, my son is getting better. Until I got told by a nurse not to get too excited because he’s still not out of the woods yet. So I’ve been having a hard time dealing with different comments like- Oh he’s doing so much better. I know that he is doing better but I also know that if he does get an infection at this point a lot could happen. And I still have nightmares at times about him being on ECMO so I’m not getting a lot of sleep these days. Plus we were told that if he does get to that point again that he probably would not be able to go on ECMO again. I know… I shouldn’t be so down and think that he’s not going to get better but I guess until he’s out of the hospital I won’t feel totally sure that he’s going to live. And I hate the question “When’s he coming home?” because I still do not really know whether he will be able to come home and if he does it will still be a long time from now. Last week they were trying to wean him off the ventilator but the pace that they set was too fast for Benjamin. So they had to stop for a bit and then try again WAY slower. It’s also hard to leave him right now as when I come he starts crying and when I leave he starts crying. In between he has spurts where he’s happy but for the most part this week he has been really sad. And I am finding that hard to deal with. Sorry if this post is a bit down but I just thought that I should be transparent as you might wonder why I’m crying when Benjamin looks so good on the pictures. Anyway I’ll stop rambling.


Our Busy Little Bunch said...

It must be extremly hard to leave your little guy behind each time, I couldn't even imagine it. Keeping you in our prayers and hoping that someday soon this will just be a memory for him and you.

Anonymous said...

<3 Praying for you Greta... and it's good to be transparent - it would be very hard to have the ups and downs. Praying God will give you peace and strength in Him!
love Elena

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing this Greta. Gives us insight on how and what to pray for you and Gary. God is able to provide anything you need - even when you're down. "Ask and you shall receive". Praying for better sleep and less worrisome days ahead.

Anonymous said...

If you have to vent, go for it, girl. There are only a few of us that can say "I understand" and know what we are talking about, but at the very least we with children can empathize. Take care of yourself, and remember that God is in control. Thinking of and praying for your little munchkin, you, and the rest of your little family! M Pronk Family

Barb Delviken said...

Hi Greta,

I thought of this Steven Curtis Chapman song "His Strength is Perfect" while reading your post.

Here are the Lyrics:

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
But sometimes I wonder what He can do for me;
No great success to show, No glory on my own,
Yet in my weakness He is there to let me know......


His strength is perfect when our strength is gone,
He'll carry us when we can't carry on.
Raised in His power, the weak become strong;
His strength is perfect, His strength is perfect.

We can only know
The power that He holds
When we truly see how deep our weakness goes;
His strength in us begins
Where ours comes to an end.
He hears our humble cry and proves again......


Greta - You're an AMAZING Mom and I know you have inspired many moms out there including me.

Hugs and Prayer for you ALL.

Eileen said...

Greta I just wish I could give you a great big hug.Being able to express how you feel helps others understand also.Thank you so much for the Blog. We pray that Benjamins health will keep making those baby steps forward. Prayers,love and hugs,Eileen and Doug Gunn

Anonymous said...

Dear Greta and Gary yes it is hard not to be down at times when we see our children sick . And especially when you are dealing with Benjamin's health .Even when our thoughts and prayers are with you in your trials it's only that the Lord can give you peace and strength to bear this heavy load . May we be found at His footstool daily to unload our cares and burdens. He is the one who can give healing and all what we need in our life and the life to come . Yes we are limited in what we can do but He is able to do things beyond our thoughts. We will keep on trusting Him in our great need and that of our children .We pray for healing and strength for you all ,love Dad and Eleanore. Big Hugs !!!