For those of you who don't know, Benjamin deteriorated very quickly this morning. We were told that he couldn't survive on the ventilator since they had it running as high as it could go and his saturations were steadily dropping. So we were asked to make the choice of leaving him on the ventilator until he dies or trying a procedure. Since there was no chance with the ventilator we obviously decided to go with the procedure. He had to undergo surgery and be put on an ECMO machine. This machine takes the blood out of his heart, oxygenates it, and then pumps it back into his heart. It is basically taking over his lung function. The doctor didn't know if he would make it through surgery since he was so weak so we said our "goodbyes" to Benjamin and then waited in a room for the news. Thoughts were running through our head of how we were going to tell Kyle that his buddy is gone. But fortunately we didn't have to do that so far. Benjamin made it through surgery and is doing pretty good on the ECMO. The next 48-72 hrs will show whether the machine will help him or whether it is just keeping him alive. The doctor said that he is doing pretty good. His words were "not a 100% chance of making it, but greater than 50%" So we will see what the future holds. If he is on the ECMO for a week and there is no difference in how his lungs look we will have to make a decision of whether to take him off the machine and let him die or keep him on it. We pray that we won't have to make that decision but know that it is God's hands.
Right now it is very hard as we don't know what the future holds. We have already said "goodbye" to Benjamin twice this week. It is a very big emotional rollercoaster. I have a hard time eating even though I know that I should force myself to eat. And Gary has a very hard time sleeping. It's very hard to see our little man like this. This is not the memories we want of him if he does pass away, yet we want to be with him a lot. We try to reminisce about the boof he is and all the good memories. We pray that God will help us get through this no matter what the outcome is.